Beer-Related Ideas That Make You Say ‘WTF’? – Part II

Whenever I start getting into a lot of patent related work as part of my day job, I almost invariably seem to gravitate toward patent searches that reveal incredibly silly / bizarre concepts. This, in turn, gets me to alter my keywords to look for stranger and stranger inventions. Before I know it, I’m completely given up on my intended search and just keep poking around for patents that I find just plain amusing.

Similar to the first post I did back in January, many of the inventions that I dug up produce a head-scratching “Huh?” or a “who the hell paid for this!” response. These “WTF?!?” inventions were numerous enough that I started jotting down those that were beer-related as I know fellow beer aficionados would certainly get a chuckle from them.

Take a gander at the ideas below, have a laugh, and remember that some people pay $10,000 or more to get a patent issued these days.

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“Decorative Beer Dispenser for Killing Slugs”
United States Patent No.: 5,505,018 (issued: April 9, 1996)
Inventor: G. R. Parker

For those individuals whose backyards, gardens, or green areas are ravaged by nefarious invertebrates, this is the invention for you. This patent describes “decorative dispensers adapted to hold and continuously dispense beer solutions for killing slugs, snails, and the like.” Only the uncouth would use unsightly vessels such as plates and saucers to lay their alcoholic traps. The sophisticated and refined individuals would prefer “an attractive outdoor beer dispenser” that not only “compliment(s) a yard’s decor”, but prevents the pooled beer from soiling by refreshing the pooled beer.

Available in a duck format, a cat format, or a mock bird-bath format.

Various Sports-Related Beer Dispensers
United States Patent No.: D533,739 (issued: December 19, 2006), D501,344 (issued: February 1, 2005), D501,343 (issued: February 1, 2005), D501,342 (issued: February 1, 2005)
Inventor: Miesieski et al.

Taking the concept of a PEZ dispenser, these inventors devised a series of ‘beer’ dispensers that market to any sport or sporting event that can be conceived. Put in a refrigeration aspect to the design, and this can sit in anyone’s living room next to the lazyboy. Finish your beer? Just pull back the helmet and your next cold beer is waiting for your enjoyment.


“Yeast-Containing Beer”
United States Patent No.: 4,911,936 (issued: March 27, 1990)
Inventor: Kijima et al.

While the Germans have been doing it for hundreds of years, apparently it was the Japanese in 1990 that patented the concept of adding yeast to the beer for bottle conditioning. Huh?!? I’m not sure how this patent and it's claims were allowed with all the prior art (knowledge) out there, but it looks like Kirin owns rights to bottle conditioning.


“Beer Bottle Ornament”
United States Patent No.: D610,398 (issued: February 23, 2010)
Inventor: D. R. Bathey

Pictures say a thousand words and the diagrams for this design patent say it all. I guess the idea is that boobs just make everything better.


“Board Game Simulating Drunk Driving”
United States Patent No.: 4,216,966 (issued: August 12, 1980)
Inventor: T. H. MacRae

Even after finding this one and reading it, I’m still a bit dumbfounded. The game is exactly as the title describes: players roll dice and move their pieces from liquor establishment to liquor establishment. “The amount of liquor consumed and the time of consumption … is transferred to a blood alcohol chart which indicates sobriety or drunkenness”. The player wins if they can visit four locations successfully and maintain sobriety. A player is eliminated if their character becomes drunk and either occupies the same square as a police car (i.e. arrested) or by landing on a road hazard (i.e. car crash).

WTF?!?!

Granted the game was ‘invented’ in 1980 before drunk driving became a vehement enemy of society, but …. Huh?!

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There are plenty more of these head-scratchers out there – if you happen to bump into any other ‘WTF’ beer-related ideas/patents, please let us know.

Slainte!

-JW


“… in life, there’s always room for beer.”
-Tom Ciccateri

Beer-Related Ideas That Make You Say “WTF?!?”

Anyone that has ever gone through the process of patenting an idea knows that applying for, fighting for, and finally being awarded a patent can be a drawn out process and expensive process (ranging from hundreds to tens of thousands of dollars). Therefore it always amuses me that with all the effort and expense, there are still people out there that try (and succeed) at patenting very strange and bizarre concepts.  I've come to nickname them as "WTF" patents.

So while doing some patent work for my dayjob, I came across a few beer-related patents that got me shaking my head.  I could almost envision a couple of college buddies sitting around a half-empty case of beer, thinking "this could work...its going make us rich!".  I gave me such befuddled amusement that, before I knew it, I had ditched my regular work to scratch around for more amusing beer patents.  The list below, presented in no particular order, holds some of the beauties that I was able to uncover.

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"Alcoholic beverages derived from animal extract, and methods for the production thereof"

United States Patent No.: 7,037,541 (issued: May 2, 2006)
Inventor: Kineo Okada

For those who don’t want to be restricted to just brewing with barley and other grains, the Ariake Japan Co. has patented the process for you – why not throw a little meat in there. Just add in some yeast and lactic bacteria and you’ve got a beverage that “has a distinctive flavor, is storage stable, and is nutritious.” And don’t feel your beverage has to be single-dimensional with just a single meat source.  The alcoholic beverage “may be made from various extracts of meat and/or bone, for example from beef, pork, mutton, chickens, ducks, turkey, etc.” So if you have a blender and a random animal, you’re in business (here kitty kitty…).

Ariake Japan Company - “The Fine Flavor of Nature” (that's seriously their slogan)


"Timed drinking vessel"
United States Patent No.: 6,747,918 (issued: June 8, 2004)
Inventors: Hight et al

I’m trying to image the eureka moment that conceptualized this one. “A conventional drinking vessel holds a beverage, but gives no information to (the drinker’s) rate of consumption.” Never mind the clock on the wall, what a drinker really needs is an on-board timer to determine how fast they can empty their glass.  Whether to pace the enjoyment or to record the fastest chugging time, the Timed Drinking Mug is “a drinking vessel which automatically monitors the rate at which an individual consumes a beverage.  (It) would be welcomed by consumers of beverages.”  I'm not sure if "welcomed" is the right word.


"The Beerbrella"
United States Patent No.: 6,637,447 (issued: Oct 28, 2003)
Inventors: McMullin et al

Right in line with the Timed Drinking Vessel, the Beerbrella is an invention determined to improve your drinking experience. It “provides a small umbrella which may be removably attached to a beverage container in order to shade the beverage container from the direct rays of the sun.”  Not only does it protect your brew from those pesky UV rays, it “may also be used to prevent rain or other precipitation from contaminating a beverage.”  There's an infomercial in there somwhere ... or at least a Miller 'Tailgate Approved" commercial.


"Filled Beer Glass Shaped Condom"
United States Patent No.: D591,580 (issued: May 5, 2009)
Inventor: Brian Osterberg

I don’t have much to say about this one – the name and picture says it all. If your chick is such a beer lover that this turns her on…god bless you!


"Method and apparatus for making a drink hop along a bar or counter"
United States Patent No.: 5,678, 617 (issued: Oct 21, 1997)
Inventors: Kuyendal et al

Of all the above inventions, this one is the one that screams collegiate frat house boredom turned into a “WTF” invention. What does it do? It’s “a novelty device for … a bar whereby when a patron orders a specific drink ... (and the) drink then seems to hop from some remote spot on the bar and takes one or more leaps, ultimately landing in the patron’s glass.” Remember those jumping water fountains you used to see in malls or amusement parts as a kid? Well, this one is for beer.

What I get the biggest kick out of is the amount of detail that the inventors put into the patent. I mean, in the figure shown above, there are 88 independent components called out – someone actually spent considerable time flushing this out.  And there are 10 other figures in the patent, many of them equally as intricate. That's some dedication.  

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There are hundreds more of these head-scratchin' ideas floating around there – if you happen to bump into any other “WTF” beer-related ideas/patents, drop me a line.

Slainte

-JW


“He was a wise man who invented beer”
-Plato