xkcd.com - Geeky Humor

I have long been classified as "geeky."  Over the years, I have played Dungeons and Dragons, collected Magic the Gathering cards, and extensively read fantasy and science fiction novels.  I love board games and computer games.  In more recent times, I have dedicated a large portion of my free time to brewing and enjoying beer - becoming a "beer geek."  In fact, one of my nicknames in middle school was "nerd."  It should come as no surprise that my sense of humor runs in a similar vein.

xkcd is an online comic written by Randall Munroe, a former physics major who worked on robots at NASA.  Randall doodled a fair amount during his younger days and the doodling grew into a full-time job as a comic illustrator.  xkcd is a word with no phonetic pronunciation and fits at the title of a comic on sarcasm, language and math.  I was first exposed to it by a co-worker, Ben, who has followed it for years.

A quick search on the word "beer" revealed a few interesting comics loosely related to the topic that I wanted to share.

#617 - Amusing given the White House's recent foray into homebrewing

#323 - As a computer programmer, I have often wondered about this "study"

#589 - Party planning at its best

#708 - Not beer related at all, but one of my favorites

I hope you enjoyed the xkcd comics and you look further into Randall's interesting view of our world.

TW

Brewing TV Drinking Game

Several members of Northern Brewer put together a side project called Brewing TV a few years ago.  The general idea of the project is to document the culture and people surrounding homebrewing and the larger craft brewing movement.  Chip, Jake, and Dawson interview the people and businesses that define the craft and seek to discover what motivates them and how their inspiration can be translated to the rest of us.  Brewing TV episodes come out every two weeks and are well put together and entertaining.  If you have not seen them yet, I suggest you check them out.

Brewing TV's 64th episode introduced a new and very novel concept - a drinking game.  The crew traveled to Manhattan, Kansas to visit Tallgrass Brewing Company.  Tallgrass is the product of owner Jeff Gill's homebrew passion and has developed some very interesting branding.  My favorite branding is their 8-Bit Pale Ale, who's logo and back story surrounds the old 8-bit arcade games of my youth (the Brewing TV episode has great coverage of this).  The video portion provides some other interesting facts about the brewery, including that they named their fermenters after famous American Gladiators.

But, at the very beginning of the episode, Jake and Dawson introduce the Tallgrass drinking game.  Tallgrass's head brewer, Andrew Hood, is from California and still uses a substantial amount of lingo from the area.  His favorite word is "critical" and he uses it with great abandon.  The drinking game is simply to take a drink every time someone says "critical," which happens often (more than 20 times by my count).  This game was completely unexpected and I literally burst out laughing when they introduced it.

I recommend watching the Tallgrass episode and participating in the game.  It will put a smile on your face and is more fun and informative than playing beer pong.

Cheers,

TW

Opening a Beer Bottle - Do Not Try at Home

Life has been very busy of late, so I have not had much time to write about beer and homebrew for Lug Wrench.  But I saw a post of this YouTube video on Hop Talk tonight and I was intrigued.  What other innovative mechanisms have humans developed to access the insides of a sealed beer bottle (I also needed a laugh after a long day at work)?  So, I typed "beer bottle opening" in a YouTube search and was entertained.  I decided I had to share my favorites with the Lug Wrench audience.

Chainsaw used to open beer.  The chainsaw operator has a very steady hand, but I would not recommend this method for serving any special or aged beer samples.

As the title exclaims, this has to be the most expensive beer bottle opener in the world, and one that takes incredible hand-eye coordination.  But, if you have a helicopter and some duct tape, you are all set.

Interesting cultural message here, if you believe what they state - Scandinavians are supposedly taught this trick to open a beer bottle at a young age.  Innovative and does not waste beer like you might think when you first watch him setting it up.

Warning from your dentist - do not try to break this record.  Pretty please.

Piece of paper used to open a beer bottle.  You are much more likely to have one of these handy than a chainsaw, helicopter, other beer bottle, or be willing to pay your dentist a fortune.  Thus, more useful.

What are your favorite beer-related YouTube videos?  Feel free to leave a comment and a link.

Cheers,

TW

Some Of The Best Pub Names .... Part II

The tradition of the Angelo-Irish pubs always carry the best names for the establishments.  Several of these great names were derived from the nicknames the pubs got form their illiterate patrons who could not read the sign, but recognized its image.  Many of these pubs are oozing with local lore and history.  Of course modern businessmen has tried to take advantage of this with gimmicky branding efforts for new establishments (i.e. Slug and Cabbage, etc.).

Back in the begining of Lug Wrench, I started a list of of the best pub names that I found amusing and tickled my funnybone (The Hairy Lemon Pub, the Bloody Bucket Inn, etc).  With a little bit of research, I was able to uncover a few more gems and expand the list.  Below are a few of the standouts that I figured were worth sharing.  Enjoy.

The Hog In Armour

Norwich, England

The Haunch of Venison Pub

A haunted pub, where the mumified hand of a cardplayer caught cheating can still be found.

Salisbury, England

Bag O'Nails Pub

Victoria, London, England

The Noose and Monkey

Aberdeen, England

The Only Running Footman Pub

Mayfair, London, England

The Dog's Bollocks

Toronto, Canada

The Jolly Taxpayer Pub

Portsmouth, England

Ye Old Dr. Butler's Head

Moorgate, London, England

The Murderers Cafe Bar

Norwich, England

There are plenty more out there, both abroad as well as in the US. Drop us a comment if you’ve got any good ones to share.

Slainte!

-JW

"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink.  The rest I wasted."

-George Best

Beer Comic: Patrick and Sam

From time to time, I find my way back over to The Full Pint to check out their weekly comic entitled Trouble Brewing, which regularly pokes fun at the craft beer world.  In a previous post, we shared a few installments that featured Patrick Rue of The Bruery.  Below is another that features Patrick and Sam Calagione of Dogfish Head.

If you don't get it, go take a look at the beer lineup from Dogfish or the recipes they discuss on the TV show: Brew Masters.

You can find the entire collection of Trouble Brewing (both the good ones and the .... not so good ones) over at the Full Pint.

Got a link to some other good beer related comics or art?  Let us know!

Slainte!

-JW


"I'm going to drink till I reboot!"
-Bender, Futurama

The Brewmaster's Night Before Christmas

This is a reposting of the poem "The Brewmaster's Night Before Christmas", which came from the Homebrewers Association site.  The poem's many homebrewing and craft beer references gave me a good chuckle.

The AHA is a great resource from homebrewers, and is definitely worth following through its RSS feed (how I saw this humorous farce in the first place).

Cheers,

TW

--------------------

"Twas the night before kegging, when all through the pub

Not a carboy was stirring, not even a blub;

The hops had been added to the wort with care, 

In hopes that a 50/50 soon would be there.

I was nestled all snug in my bed, 

While visions of blue ribbons danced in my head;

The spices were added, allowed nicely to steep, 

And I was all settled down for a long night's sleep.

When out in the pub there arose such a clatter, 

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter;

Away to the brewpub I flew like a flash,

Tore open the door and tripped on a sash.

The glow of red on teh pool table so bright,

Gave me pause as I saw an unbelievable sight;

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, 

But Santa and eight reindeer, drinking my beer.

With a belly so round and his hat all askew,

I knew in a moment, he'd had more than a few;

More rapid than eagles he lifted his mug, 

And he whistled and shouted, and took a few chugs.

"More Belgian! More Porter! More Kolsch and Stout,

More Amber! More Wheat! More Bock and Alt."

His eyes, how they glazed, his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

The hair from his cap was in need of a comb,

And the beard on his chin was covered in foam;

My eyes flew to my kegger, holding eight kegs of beer, 

Sipping each tap was a tiny reindeer!

The glow in the room flashed on my night clothes,

It was Rudolph, I could tell by the red of his nose!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

I yelled, "Dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

Brewing barrels of coffee, I begged them partake,

They sipped the hot joe and they jolted awake!

Now up to the house top the coursers they flew,

Old Jolly and reindeer yelled, "Thanks for teh brew!

Warm cookies and milk await us tonight,

Your homebrew was perfect, the flavor just right!"

As I stood in stunned silence, and was shaking my head,

I thought, "Did I dream or fall out of my bed?"

My thoughts were confirmed, as I heard out in the night,

"I'm a convert this Christmas. To heck with 'beer lite'!"

© 2011 Matt Collins

Fun with Art V: Drywell Art

It is always a pleasure to see an up-n-coming artist find their niche.  That's exactly what happend to Alyson, the artist who writes the Meat Sections blog that I've posted about previously.  Even though her success has caused the Meat Sections blog to be put on the backburner, she's still doing some great beer art.

Below is another great example of her work that was recently completed, wherein the Anantomy of a Beer is sectioned out (with prints available here).   

While Meat Sections is on hiatus, Alyson's main blog (Drywell Art) is regularly updated with plenty of 'Food' related art and features the beer-friendly artwork from time to time.  Check out out prior posts about Meat Sections to get a few more examples of why I've been a fan of Alyson's site.

Slainte!

-JW

"Beer is a wholesome liquor.  It abounds with nourishment."

-Dr. Benjamin Rush

Shower Them with Beer!

A recent tweet from Firestone Walker Brewing Company and TheBestCraftBeer.com gave me a chuckle and amazed me at people's creativity.  Meet the Shakoozie.  This magical device allows its user to enjoy a beer while in the shower.  Just pause and think about that.  Showers bring hot relaxation and beer brings cold relaxation.  Combine the two opposites together and there must be magic, much like sweet and sour sauce.  The Shakoozie allows beer to be placed away from annoying things like warm water spray and soap suds.  It also insulates the beer glass (please do not drink your beer directly from the bottle) from the heat of the shower and keeps it cool.  Wow!

To be honest, the idea of showering with a beer never occurred to me.  I am trying to imagine the set of circumstances that led the inventor of the Shakoozie down that road.  Perhaps the inventor was trying to recover from a hangover using two different methods, or perhaps the inventor loves to multi-task and just could not put that beer down.  Who can say what the impetus for the invention was, but I can say that reading about the Shakoozie gave me a good laugh during a busy week, which is very appreciated.  Who knows, maybe I will have to try it out some day.

Cheers,

TW

So That's How They Get the "Super" In The Beer....

If you've spent enough time in front of the television on any given Sunday, you're bound to get bombarded with promotions and marketing from the industrial lager brewers.  While the majority of the adds are playing on stereotypes or targeting their demographics weakness for scantily clad women (wait, what's wrong with that again?), there are a few that jump out as original.

The video below is not from American television, but it belongs in the "wow" category. From the Australian brewery Hahn's, the commercial explains just how they get that special something into their beer. Saturated in just about every 80s cliche, this is the brewery for T.J. Hooker, Hasselhoff, and Magnum P.I. All that is missing is the red Ferrari.

Make sure your volume is on and enjoy...



If anyone has any rhinestone Elvis Jackets, my fermentors is now seeming in need.

Thanks to J. Foley for forwarding the link several moons ago. 

Slainte!

-JW


"Milk is for babies. When you grow up, you have to drink beer."
-Arnold Schwarzenegger

Evolution of the Beer Geek

I first saw the "Evolution of the Beer Geek" image by Beer & Whiskey Brothers on Hop Talk and I wanted to pass it along.  It has a lot of detail and its humor is intellectual, as well as based solidly in many of the experiences we beer drinkers have encountered in the past.  However, the last two rows in the image made me pause and think.  The primary difference between the "Beerdouchicus" and the "Geeko Sapien" is the way they use their knowledge of beer.  Unfortunately, there are many examples of beer geeks who use their knowledge to prove their worth and browbeat others into submission.  As the image says, this often turns people away from craft beer, something that none of us should desire to happen.

Well done, Beer & Whiskey Brothers.  The image was funny, enjoyable, and informative, all at the same time.

Cheers,

TW

Patrick Rue and Candi Sugar

A few months back, we featured a few well drawn comic strips by Arne Frantzell that roasted Tomme Arthur of The Lost Abbey.  Since that time, Arne has teamed up with The Full Pint to reguarly draw the Trouble Brewing, a comic strip poking fun at the craft beer world.  And one of the recent targets was Patrick Rue, owner and brewer at The Bruery - a personal favorite of mine.

Below are two of the comic strips where Patrick is ribbed for his use of a particular brewing ingredient.  Click on the image to get a larger image...

You can find the entire collection of Trouble Brewing over at The Full Pint.

Got a link to some other good beer related comics or art?  Let us know!

Slainte!

-JW


"Who does not love beer, wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long."
-Carl Worner

Humor: What a Beer Says About Its Drinker

As we are getting closer to the weekend, I was looking for something a bit lighthearted, and I came across this humorous, yet pretty accurate list.  While it did not originate there, the link came to me by way of the DC-Beer mailing list.

The '9 Types of Beers and What They Tell You about Their Drinkers' list comes from Guyism.com (a prototypical male webzine).  Take a read through the list and the next time you are in a bar, see if these 9 stereotypes hold true.  (Click on the link above to see the full article - I've only reprinted the first line or two here).

1. Home Brews - It's not hard to spot a home brewer, their taste in beer is typically the most varied and eclectic (weird) of all drinkers; they'll be the guys not so much talking about their beer as dissecting it...
2. Premium Imports (Ex: Orval, Gulden Draak, Hobgoblin) - These guys are closely related to the previous type of drinkers.  They care about the style, taste, mouth-feel, history, and other aspects of beer that no one holding a Keystone ever thought about...
3. Actual Microbrew/Craft Beer (Ex: Stone, Dogfish Head, Deschutes) - These drinkers are all about the burgeoning American craft beer scene...Granted they may spend a little too much time concerned with beer, but it's not like they have a problem.  Seriously...
4. Ubiquitous Imports (Ex: Stella Artois, Newcastel, Heineken) - These drinkers tend to care more about beer than your average Bud/Miller/Coors person, but are perhaps more concerned with panache over actual taste...
5. Not-So-Microbrews (Ex: New Belgium, Sam Adams) - These drinkers are riding the new wave of widely available craft beers ...They likely moved to this type of brew because it's easier to tell one beer from another...
6. Big American Beers (Ex: Bud, Miller, Coors) - There's definately something very friendly and agreeable about this group of good old-fashiuned American beer drinkers, even if American companies own none of ther favorite beers anymore...
7. Cheapest Thing Ever (Ex. Natural Ice, Keystone) - Typically you don't encounter these people at bars because if the whole point is saving money, then you're much better off back at the frat house...
8. Hipster Beers (Ex. PBR, Schlitz) - More than any other type of beer, the labels are of greater imprtance to the drinker than their contents or effects, which should tell you everything you need to know about them...
9. Abominations (Ex. Budweiser Chelada) - What can you say about people who's urge to put tomato juice in beer is so strong that they buy it pre-mixed from the gas station? 

Something tells me that our readers fall into categories 1,2,3, and 5.  However, let us know if we're wrong or if you have any stories about the folks in the other five categories.

Slainte!

-JW


 "Put it back in the horse!"
-H. Allen Smith, after he drank his first American beer.

Fun with Art IV: Meat Sections

I've continued to enjoy Alyson's Meat Section blog.  While the content of her blog focuses mostly on non-beer related, every so often a 'beer' sectioned diagram pops up.  I've highlighted a few of them in prior blog posts, and this one is no different.  The topic: Lost Abbey's Cable Car - a blended american wild ale.

What I particularly love about this piece is how Alyson breaks the beer up by it's three blended components, Red Barn, Avante Garde, and Amigo Lager.  Some of the ingredients are a little hard to read (click on the image to get a larger version), but listing out the hops, grains, and spices included in this super complex beer struck me as just plain slick.  As always, excellent job Alyson!

For the homebrewers out there and up to the challenge, Mike over at the Mad Fermentationist took a crack at cloning this sour beer.  Take a look at his notes and recipe to see how it turned out.

If you've got a moment, take a detour over to Meat Sections, check out some of its content and try subscribing to it's feed.

Slainte!

-JW


"The sum of the matter is, the people drink because they wish to drink."
-Rudolph Brand 

Tomme Arthur vs. The World

While I was surfing through the forums at Beer Advocate, I came across something humorous worth sharing.  A user with some artistic talent (alfranzell) sketched up a few satirical comic strips with Tomme Arthur, Director of Brewing Operations at The Lost Abbey in San Diego, as the central figure.  While I would not call these flattering to Tomme, I'm sure he would get a kick out of them all the same.

Below are a few of my favorites (click on the image to get a larger image) ...

The entire collection can be found on Flickr using this link.

Got a link to some other good beer realted comics or art?  Let us know!!

Slainte!

-JW


"I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't find a drink."
-Tom Waits

Fun with Art III: Meat Sections

Similar to the prior times we have featured the Meat Sections blog, I continue to to be amused by this non-beer blog.  Every day, the blog's owner, Alyson, displays an illustration/painting in the style of a butcher's meat section diagram - with some being traditional and others being abstract.

For Day 219, the following 'Meat Section' painting featured another great beer: The Bruery's fall seasonal, Autumn Maple.  This is one of the fall beers that I typically jump at when I see it on the shelf, so I was very happy to see Alyson stylize it.

For more images, check out our prior post about Meat Sections which highlights several of my favorites.  Or better yet, stop over to Alyson's blog and subscribe to her feed.

Slainte!

-JW


"Fermentation and civilization are inseparable."
-John Ciardi

Fun With Art II: Meat Sections

As I mentioned the last time we featured the Meat Sections blog, the is a non-beer blog that truely amuses me.  Every day, the blog's owner, Alyson, displays a illustration/painting in the style of a butcher's meat section diagram - with some being traditional, and others being abstract.

For Day 284, the following 'Meat Section' painting featured Berliner Weisses, a style that is a growing favorite of mine (when I can find them).  As described in her blog post, this beer style is many times served with a sweet syrup to cut the sourness inherent in Berliner Weisses.

As usual, great job Alyson!

Check out our prior post about Alyson's blog to get a few more examples that continue to make me a fan of Meat Sections.

Slainte!

-JW


"Beer is a wholesome liquor.  It abounds with nourishment"
-Dr. Benjamin Rush

The Session #44: Frankenstein Beer Costumes

Welcome to The Session – a collaboration of bloggers writing on a common beer-related topic.  For the month of October, Ashley Routson a.k.a. The Beer Wench chose "Frankenstein Beers" as the collective topic to explore.  A round-up of all the blog posts will be posted in the near future.  You can read more about Beer Blogging Friday (“The Session”) over at the Brookston Beer Bulletin.


One of the best attributes of posts for The Session is that they can range all over the map.  Some posts follow common themes and can be grouped well with other posters, while others venture into areas that can only be labeled "off topic."  This month's host, The Beer Wench stated "there are no rules about how to write this topic . . ."  I intend to take her at her word.

One of the most fascinating things about Halloween is how inventive people can become when designing their costumes.  The tradition of dressing in costume on Halloween dates back to the Middle Ages, possibly from the practice of "souling," where the poor would go door to door on Hallowmas (November 1) and receive food in returns for prayers for the dead on All Souls Day (November 2).  Dressing in costume, and arguably the entire Halloween holiday, has become commercialized in modern times.  This has resulted in costume inspiration coming from a variety of commercial products, including the Lug Wrench favorite - beer.

In this mode of thought, I decided to link beer related costumes with this month's Session topic of Frankenstein Beers.  Below are several of the more humorous and surprising costumes I could find on the web, along with brief commentary one each.

Beer Man and Beer Woman - Who could resist wearing a beer-inspired super hero outfit, especially with a utility belt that can hold canned craft brew?

Beer Pong Table - It is easy to be the hit of any party when you bring this popular game "to life."

Flying Dog Six-Pack - It is truly creative to go out as a variety six-pack of your favorite craft beer with your closest friends.  I would imagine the six-pack holder for these people was an exercise in invasion of personal space.

Coors Light Gladiator - Speaking of homemade, this defender of the American light lager is ready to battle, all for the low price of - FREE.

Human Breathalyzer - Beer related - yes.  Inappropriate - YES!!!

I hope you have enjoyed this journey into a world tangentially related to beer.  If you have seen your own humorous or horrendous beer-related costumes, be sure to leave a comment and tell us about it.

Cheers,

TW

Beer-Related Ideas That Make You Say ‘WTF’? – Part II

Whenever I start getting into a lot of patent related work as part of my day job, I almost invariably seem to gravitate toward patent searches that reveal incredibly silly / bizarre concepts. This, in turn, gets me to alter my keywords to look for stranger and stranger inventions. Before I know it, I’m completely given up on my intended search and just keep poking around for patents that I find just plain amusing.

Similar to the first post I did back in January, many of the inventions that I dug up produce a head-scratching “Huh?” or a “who the hell paid for this!” response. These “WTF?!?” inventions were numerous enough that I started jotting down those that were beer-related as I know fellow beer aficionados would certainly get a chuckle from them.

Take a gander at the ideas below, have a laugh, and remember that some people pay $10,000 or more to get a patent issued these days.

* * *

“Decorative Beer Dispenser for Killing Slugs”
United States Patent No.: 5,505,018 (issued: April 9, 1996)
Inventor: G. R. Parker

For those individuals whose backyards, gardens, or green areas are ravaged by nefarious invertebrates, this is the invention for you. This patent describes “decorative dispensers adapted to hold and continuously dispense beer solutions for killing slugs, snails, and the like.” Only the uncouth would use unsightly vessels such as plates and saucers to lay their alcoholic traps. The sophisticated and refined individuals would prefer “an attractive outdoor beer dispenser” that not only “compliment(s) a yard’s decor”, but prevents the pooled beer from soiling by refreshing the pooled beer.

Available in a duck format, a cat format, or a mock bird-bath format.

Various Sports-Related Beer Dispensers
United States Patent No.: D533,739 (issued: December 19, 2006), D501,344 (issued: February 1, 2005), D501,343 (issued: February 1, 2005), D501,342 (issued: February 1, 2005)
Inventor: Miesieski et al.

Taking the concept of a PEZ dispenser, these inventors devised a series of ‘beer’ dispensers that market to any sport or sporting event that can be conceived. Put in a refrigeration aspect to the design, and this can sit in anyone’s living room next to the lazyboy. Finish your beer? Just pull back the helmet and your next cold beer is waiting for your enjoyment.


“Yeast-Containing Beer”
United States Patent No.: 4,911,936 (issued: March 27, 1990)
Inventor: Kijima et al.

While the Germans have been doing it for hundreds of years, apparently it was the Japanese in 1990 that patented the concept of adding yeast to the beer for bottle conditioning. Huh?!? I’m not sure how this patent and it's claims were allowed with all the prior art (knowledge) out there, but it looks like Kirin owns rights to bottle conditioning.


“Beer Bottle Ornament”
United States Patent No.: D610,398 (issued: February 23, 2010)
Inventor: D. R. Bathey

Pictures say a thousand words and the diagrams for this design patent say it all. I guess the idea is that boobs just make everything better.


“Board Game Simulating Drunk Driving”
United States Patent No.: 4,216,966 (issued: August 12, 1980)
Inventor: T. H. MacRae

Even after finding this one and reading it, I’m still a bit dumbfounded. The game is exactly as the title describes: players roll dice and move their pieces from liquor establishment to liquor establishment. “The amount of liquor consumed and the time of consumption … is transferred to a blood alcohol chart which indicates sobriety or drunkenness”. The player wins if they can visit four locations successfully and maintain sobriety. A player is eliminated if their character becomes drunk and either occupies the same square as a police car (i.e. arrested) or by landing on a road hazard (i.e. car crash).

WTF?!?!

Granted the game was ‘invented’ in 1980 before drunk driving became a vehement enemy of society, but …. Huh?!

* * *

There are plenty more of these head-scratchers out there – if you happen to bump into any other ‘WTF’ beer-related ideas/patents, please let us know.

Slainte!

-JW


“… in life, there’s always room for beer.”
-Tom Ciccateri

You Want To Mix Guinness With What?!?

First off, I am a fan of Guinness - always have been.  It is a beer that defines a style and and deserves the respect it has earned.  However, what I don't like about Guinness is that in its quest to be a major global brand, its advertising has taken the path of stupifying and shock-type marketing (think Budweiser and other macro-American lagers).

An exemplary account of this was a public relations campaign undertaken in England earlier this year.  Teaming up with Ugo Monye, a star player on the English rugby team, Guinness planned to launch an aftershave/fragrance that combines Guinness with the "essence" of the rugby game.  "I wanted to create an aftershave that truly captures the unique smells of rugby" is how Monye described the project.  "Not only will wearing the fragrance remind you of playing rugby it will also give you that rough and ready odour for a manly edge."  The product, said to be offered in a glass bottle in the shape of Monye's body, combines scents such as sweat, deep heat, mud, and of course, Guinness Stout.

To make it worse, Guinness made plans to distribute free samples of the "project" to rubgy fans at the Guinness Premiership Finals.  "Fans...will be able to watch top class rugby while feeling like they are in the thick of the action with Uyo's unique fragrance" said Guinness's sponsorship manager.

WTF?!?

To the relief of all beer fans and those of common sense, the whole campaign turned out to be a big April Fool's joke put on by a public firm for Diageo (Guinness's owner).  Just another gonzo marketing scheme to grab attention.  But the best part of many of these "they're dumb enough to believe this"-type capmpaign are that they sometimes spread just as much confusion as they do product branding.  For instance, even now, four to five months after the hoax was initially announced, beer news sources are reporting on Guinness's launch of their Eau d'Rugby, such as the small piece in this month's (September) All About Beer magazine.

While I'll continue to be a fan of Guinness beer, its this type of branding and advertising that draws out an internal conflict in me.  Should we judge or hold prejudice against a product itself just because of bad, grind-your-teeth marketing used to promote it?  Should Arthur Guinness's recipe be faulted because of some hot-shot public relations executive has a cutzie idea?

Let us know your thoughts.

Slainte!

-JW


"Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him."
-Mark Twain

Developing Beer Marketing Branding is Hard

Let’s face it, marketing craft beer is big business.  Breweries of all sizes spend considerable effort to market their beer, as their brand determines their success.  These efforts focus on a variety of different sources, from labels to print media to television commercials to social media campaigns.  These efforts take considerable effort, in my limited experience, but more on that later.  Yet for all the time and money spent on these efforts, many craft beer aficionados and homebrewers disdain the resulting “marketing speak.” 

While the branding and imagery can be interesting when looked at from a pure visual art or graphic design standpoint (as is the case over at the Pour Curator, a blog Jeff I and both follow and appreciate), many people I have spoken to view these efforts as a distraction and provided little if any value to the beer itself. Take, for example, the back label for Stone’s Oaked Arrogant Bastard Ale, which I happen to be drinking right now. The label manages to fit 348 words (by my count) that tell me nothing about the contents of the bottle, other than it was made with barley, it is aggressively hopped, and it was aged on oak. While I learned about Stone’s aggressive-minded philosophy and their need to pursue new things, the marketing language contains little to no content about the beer itself.

While I generally dislike to being marketed to and the typical marketing language that is thrown at me as a result, I myself am guilty of developing my own “marketing speak.” In a strange “devil’s advocate” attitude, once a year I force myself to write marketing materials about beers I brew for a friend’s party. Every summer, my good friend throws a seafood party and I brew several batches of beer to be served at the gathering. Usually a story is formulated about each of the beers and we post brewmaster notes near the taps for the enjoyment of the attendees. While I dislike subliminal sales pitches, I must admit that creating these messages is very difficult. This could be caused by my lack of talent in marketing or that it really is hard to come up with such language. At least once a year, I consider that perhaps I should grant the marketing departments more respect for their work. But then again, perhaps not.

Regardless, if nothing more than for the reader’s enjoyment, I’ve listed a copy of the marketing language generated for this year’s beers at the party. Hopefully, it provides some useful information, along with the floral language.

Cheers,

TW

Hippy Hawk Bohemian Pilsner – Bohemian pilsners are more malty and rounded than their dry German cousins, while still retaining the crisp and sharp hop edge that defines the pilsner style. This characteristic roundness is emphasized by lower mineral content water that provides a softer body, which helps bring the malt body in balance with the Czech Saaz hops. The Hippy Hawk Bohemian Pilsner features the same name as last year, given that it is a repeat recipe. The name originally came from a hawk that was circling over the deck on brew day, as well as the Bohemian quality of the beer that will leave you wanting more and more of this beer. Groovy, man . . .

ABV: 5.1% IBU: 39 OG: 1.060 FG: 1.020

Tornado Warning India Pale Ale – The India Pale Ale, or IPA, has garnered a lot of attention during the recent American Craft Beer movement’s focus on hop-forward flavors. The IPA was originally developed for practical reasons. Its higher alcohol strength and increased hopping rate and bitterness helped the beer survive the long voyage from England to its colony in India. The style had all but died out in Britain when American brewers adapted it to our country’s citrus hops. Our example is definitely American, with a full citrus flavor and aroma from Centennial hops, along with a complex malt character for added depth of flavor. The beer’s name came from the uncharacteristic high-wind storms that Charlottesville has recently experienced. The IPA’s tornado of hop flavor should help it pair excellently with John’s meal of shellfish and grilled meats.

ABV: 5.1% IBU: 48 OG: 1.050 FG: 1.010

Double Down Scottish 80/~ – Scottish ales are characterized by a massive, complex malty body that finishes slightly dry to make them drinkable in quantity. The ales are meant to be session beers, where their relatively low alcohol concentration enables someone to have several pints in a “session” at the pub. Our version is a bit stronger than most, but the slightly increased alcohol concentration should help the beer go well with John’s full-flavored menu. Scottish ales are named for the number of shillings of tax the brewer had to pay on each barrel at some point in long forgotten history. This beer is an 80 shilling, designated by use of the symbol “80/~”. This recipe is our other repeat beer from last year. It was originally named for the two kettle boil overs I had when I first made this recipe, which created quite a mess.

ABV: 5.1% IBU: 15 OG: 1.059 FG: 1.019

Three Course Breakfast – Three Course Breakfast is an oatmeal stout with an interesting treatment – aging with dark chocolate. Oatmeal stouts are derived from dry Irish stouts, and the addition of oatmeal in the grist provides a rounder and less edgy finish. Many people describe this flavor as a “slick” feeling on the palate. Oatmeal stouts have long been a favorite beer style of mine and we have had a version on tap ever since I started brewing for John’s party several years ago. This year, we decided to deepen the recipe’s flavor profile by aging the beer on cocoa nibs. Cocoa nibs are cocoa beans that have been roasted, cracked and de-shelled, but have yet to be finished into chocolate. They have a rougher, complex flavor than brewing with chocolate or cocoa powder. As in previous years, the beer will be served on John’s stout tap, which uses a nitrogen/CO2 gas mix for carbonation. This provides a rich and velvety finish to the stout and gives it a dense foamy head. The stout’s oatmeal and inherent coffee characteristics, along with the chocolate overtones, make this a perfect Three Course Breakfast.

ABC: 5.9% IBU: 36 OG: 1.059 FG: 1.013